It is important to remember that both parents exercise parental authority over their child, even after they are separated. Consult our Infosheet on parental authority for more information.

The custodial parent must, therefore, consult the other parent about any important decision regarding the child, including those in the following areas:

• schooling;
  
• medical care;
  
• religious instruction.

However, the fact that your child lives with you means that you are constantly exercising your parental authority. You are therefore allowed to make decisions by yourself concerning various aspects of day-to-day living, such as food, daycare, clothing, bedtime, etc.

The other parent can ask the court to intervene if he disagrees with an important decision that must be made. Some decisions imply major expenses: private school, orthodontal treatments, sports activities … If you make a decision on your own that involves a significant expense, you may have to pay the full amount yourself, without any contribution from the other parent.

You don’t need your ex-spouse’s consent to move to a new residence unless this affects his access rights. You must obviously inform him of your new address as soon as possible.

You should discuss the move with your ex-spouse if it will affect his access rights. It may be best to ask for court authorization if he is opposed to the move.

In order to justify the court’s intervention, you must first show that the custodial parent’s move is an important change in the child’s situation. The court can intervene if your relocation will be contrary to your child’s best interest. If this is established, the court will re-evaluate the situation, considering the following factors, among others:

• your previous custody agreement,
  
• your reasons for moving,
  
• the probability the child will adapt to her new surroundings,
  
• how attached she is to her current school setting,
  
• how the move will affect the other parent’s access rights,
  
• the current relationship between the child and the parent who does not have custody,
  
• any negative effects that a change in custody could have on the child,
  
• the child’s wishes.

The court may vary your ex-spouse’s access rights if you are authorized to move with the child. For example, the access might involve fewer visits, but for longer periods of time. The court will decide who should assume the child’s travel costs according to the circumstances; you could end up paying if it feels you have the means and the move was unnecessary.

You must encourage your child to maintain contact with the non-custodial parent. If you do not, or worse, if you prevent your ex-spouse from exercising his access rights, you may be found guilty of contempt of court and may even lose custody of your child. But it all depends on the circumstances.

Adults should make decisions on behalf of very young children. For example, you should never let a 5-year-old child decide whether or not to visit the other parent. As a general rule, she needs a relationship with the other parent, and that relationship should not be compromised.

The situation is more delicate and should be discussed with adolescents. Why is she refusing to see the other parent? Did something happen? Does she not want to go at all, or does she simply want a say in how often and when she visits the other parent?

Try to talk to your ex-spouse. Together, you may come up with a satisfactory way to re-establish the relationship with the child. You may also have recourse to family mediation (consult our Infosheet on Free family mediation).

Despite all your efforts, your child may continue to refuse to see the other parent, and for good reason. For example, the other parent may have an alcohol or drug problem, exhibit violent behaviour, or frequently leave the child alone. If this is the case, you can ask the court to suspend or cancel the other parent’s access rights, or request that a third party supervise access. The court can also order the other parent into therapy.

For more information, consult the Infosheets on the child’s wishes and exercising access rights.

As explained above, the custodial parent must encourage the child’s relationship with the other parent. Unfortunately, some parents are so angry with their ex-spouse that, consciously or not, they act in such a way as to destroy the child’s image of the other parent so that the latter’s presence in the child’s life is limited or even eliminated. This is called “parental alienation”.

The court can order various measures in an effort to rectify this type of situation, including increased access rights, shared custody, family mediation or therapy. It can also withdraw custody from the offending parent and grant it to the other parent.

For example: Peter has custody of his son and has not stopped denigrating and criticizing Judith in the presence of their child ever since she left him. Peter is uncompromising and refuses to let Judith take the child if she is even five minutes late in picking him up for an outing. He does not allow Judith to talk on the phone with her son. He even went so far as to file unfounded allegations of sexual abuse. It has come to the point where the child is repeating what his father says about his mother and is refusing to see her. Judith can ask the court to grant her custody of her son before her relationship with him is irreparably damaged.

We no longer refer to “custody” once a child reaches the age of majority (18 years). There is no reason to vary custody as long as the child is a minor and there is no change in his or his parents’ situation.

However, the non-custodial parent can ask the court for sole or shared custody of the child if new or important facts arise. This is done by way of a motion setting out the grounds for the request.

For example, Claudine has had custody of Xavier since she separated from her ex-spouse seven years ago. Xavier has just turned 14 and he is going through a difficult time; he is even starting to have serious problems in school. Despite Claudine’s best efforts, her son’s behaviour is not improving. Xavier’s father has always exercised his access rights and enjoys an excellent relationship with him. Xavier wants to live with his father, even though he knows he will be strict and make him study hard. Xavier’s father and Claudine can agree to change custody, or they can ask the court to vary the custody order.

Having custody of a child is not sufficient grounds for changing his name.

Once separated, the mother sometimes regrets letting the child bear the father’s name, especially if the latter no longer takes care of the child. You can ask that the child have his name changed if the other parent abandoned the child. Consult the Infosheet called "Changing your name".

The child’s name can also be changed when applying for a deprivation of parental authority. Consult the Infosheet called "Parental authority".

You can apply to the Registrar of Civil Status if you want to add your family name to the child’s so he will bear both names. You should normally be allowed to do this, even without your ex-spouse’s consent, provided the double name does not produce ridiculous results (such as the infamous Leboeuf-Haché!). Note that a child over 14 must consent to the change.

Child support is completely independent from access rights. A child should not be deprived of a relationship with the other parent, even if the latter does not pay child support.

Other recourses are available if your ex-spouse is failing in his obligation to pay child support. Consult the Infosheet called “Collecting support in Québec”.

Remarrying is not in and of itself grounds for granting or varying custody. The same thing applies to a new de facto relationship or civil union.

However, if your child and your new partner are sworn enemies, you may want to think twice before committing. In such a case, the conflict with the child or the new spouse’s inadequate behaviour may very well justify a change in custody.

The arrival of a new spouse is often difficult. Children are not always ready to welcome a new spouse, due to their desire to one day see their parents reconcile. The new spouse should be sensitive to this fact and try not to impose himself. Instead, he should build up a relationship of trust. He must also be aware that he will not replace the other parent. He must avoid interfering in the relationship between the custodial parent, the other parent, and the child.

The custodial parent must continue to exercise parental authority. It is up to her, together with the other parent and not the new spouse, to make the necessary decisions regarding the child’s welfare.

As a rule, the non-custodial parent can take the child wherever he wants when exercising outing rights. However, he must give the custodial parent his home address and the phone number where he can be reached.

The ex-spouse must also inform the custodial parent as soon as possible if anything major happens to the child, especially in the case of health problems requiring medical care or hospitalization.

As for the custodial parent, she should not try to control everything and should avoid telling the non-custodial parent how to behave. After all, each person is entitled to educate their child according to their own criteria, providing they do not endanger the child.

The custodial parent does not have exclusive, absolute control over the child. For example, parents can have different religious beliefs and the non-custodial parent can attend religious services with his child, provided this does not disturb the child.