Defendant

My wife and I hadn’t been getting along very well for a few months, but I didn’t think that she was seriously considering a divorce. So it was a shock when a bailiff rang at my door to hand me a copy of a divorce declaration and a copy of a motion for provisional measures. A work colleague suggested that I consult the lawyer who represented him in his divorce: I called her right then and there. She made an appointment with me for the next day. Since meeting with her, I have felt more comfortable. At the meeting, she listened to me attentively, read the proceedings, asked me questions and took lots of notes. She explained the contents of the proceedings to me, as well as the phases in a divorce case. She even talked with me about the possibility of reconciliation! At that point, I didn’t really know how to answer… After thinking about it, I realized that my relationship had been going downhill fast and that maybe it would be better to bring it to a close.

My lawyer talked about the available ways to help me and my wife to agree on the consequences of our breakup. I agreed to go to family mediation, especially since we are entitled to six free sessions. Finally, my lawyer assured me that she would communicate with my wife’s lawyer to notify him that she was representing me, and to begin negotiations. Coming out of her office, I understood the situation better and was reassured by the fact that an experienced lawyer had taken on my file.

A few days later, my lawyer told me that my wife had also accepted to try mediation. This is how we both found ourselves in the office of an accredited mediator. At the first meeting, the mediator told us about his role and how the mediation would unfold. He insisted on the confidentiality of the process and on our right to consult our lawyers as needed. We finished by agreeing on almost all points, except the question of custody of our son. Since our separation, my wife and I have shared custody 50-50: our son spends one week with his mother and the next week with me. He seems to have adapted very well to the situation, despite the distress that our breakup caused him.

But now my wife’s employer has offered her a higher-paying job outside Quebec. She has always wanted to have this kind of experience. I don’t exactly blame her for taking the position, but one of us will have to be separated from our son and I don’t want that. Obviously, she is asking for custody so that she can bring our son to live with her. But I am asking for him to stay with me, which would avoid the difficulty of having to get used to a new country and social sphere. Plus, there will be the high cost of transportation to pay if he is to continue having contact with both his parents and we don’t agree on how these expenses should be shared.

When my lawyer suggested that another lawyer be chosen to represent our son, I hesitated at first because of the extra fees that would be charged, but, in the end, it was a good idea. This way, our son was able to confide in an independent lawyer who would help him at the trial. I believe that our son would have preferred not to have to choose between his two parents and that he is torn by this. I try as much as possible not to talk to him about it, but I can see that it troubles him. I am happy that he is able to talk to his own lawyer.

My lawyer prepared me for the trial by explaining what would happen during the hearing. In addition, she gave me several pointers on the way I should address the judge and how to answer questions that she and my wife’s lawyer would ask. All the same, I can’t wait until all this is finished and the court has made the decision that it believes to be in the best interest of our son. Whatever happens, I will always be his father and his mother will always be his mother, even if she and I no longer form a couple. Divorce doesn’t change that…